And in the Creepy Department ...

Conversations you never - ever - want to have with your nearly seventy-year-old mother:

"I need you to get a book for me, Christofaa."  (This is "Christopher" as said by a thick Boston accent).  "I can't find it any-where-ah." (anywhere).

"What's the title?"

"Fifty Shades of Grey.  Have you heard of it?"

"Yeah," I say, a sick feeling in my stomach.

"It's a best-sell-ah!"  (bestseller)

"Listen, Mom, I don't ... The subject matter is ... well, it's a little racy."

"Oh, I heard all about it - about all the wicked kinky sex and bondage. ... Christofaa?  Are you alright?  What's that sound?"

"I just threw up.  In my mouth."